Ask Miki Garcia

Playboy Playmate Chides Autograph Seekers

Dear Miki:

So in the mail, I just received four requests to sign my autograph from four different people. One told me, “This is for my team as I’m a coach. Please donate a couple of photos.” The other person sent me two small photos, 4 X6, and an envelope. The third person sent me a request for photos, and the fourth one sent me a photo with an envelope and nothing else.

Just so everyone knows Playmates are not made out of money! As we get older, we sell our photos, so we can make some money! That’s why so many Playmates have websites, so they can sell photos.
 
What about it, Miki? Does this happen to you?

Lorrie Menconi

Miss February 1969

Dear Lorrie:

Are you saying the majority of Playboy Playmates are not independently wealthy or married to rich men? You mean they have squandered their original photo shoot monies paid to them for becoming a centerfold and failed to apportion that over a lifetime?

Gee, I think it was only last week I found a wooden nickel at the bottom of my purse…could it be what’s left of the $5000 I was given in 1973?

Recently, 1978 Playmate of the Year Debra Jo Fondren made a Facebook post: “End of Year Clearance Sale--this is the absolute best deal I have ever offered on my website: buy any two autographed 8 x 10s and get a third one free! REALLY! I need to make room for more treasures in my "Forbidden Closet of Mystery."”

I posted a follow-up comment on her page to help clarify the matter: “To all the loyal fans of Debra Jo, consider purchasing an autographed photo from this beautiful icon while you have the chance. What if one day she decided not to sign anymore memorabilia?”

The more pressing truth is we are dreadfully close to the end of the Playboy era, as we and the public know it, and many of our sister Playmates have passed on and Hef is an octogenarian.

 

Lorrie, my friend, your straightforward letter has set the record straight for those fans that through no fault of their own didn’t know the situation. NOW, they do.

As for whether fans have asked for my autograph for free, the answer is yes. I have a different philosophy about signing photos, but that’s for another time.

L, ~M~

I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna learn how to fly
High

I feel it coming together
People will see me and cry
Fame

I'm gonna make it to heaven
Light up the sky like a flame
Fame

I'm gonna live forever
Baby remember my name

Remember
Remember
Remember
Remember
Remember
Remember
Remember
Remember

Reader asks for proof of allegations against Playboy

 

Dear Miki:


I have read several times about how, during your time as Director of Playmate Promotions, you had accused Playboy of exploiting Playmates in various ways.


Now firstly, I must say, it was very courageous of you to do that. However nothing was ever proved either way. I’ve read since that you have reconciled with Playboy.


Is there something more to this that you would like to share with the world at large, or is it something that you think is best left alone? At the end of it all, do you think your picking up this matter managed to do some good for future Playmates?

Wish you all the very best.

Thanks and Regards,

Deepak


Dear Deepak:


You must be referring to my testimony at the 1985 “Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography,” three years after I resigned from Playboy Enterprises. My statement had nothing to do with nude photography or Playboy magazine. My concern was how young women were seduced into the Playboy lifestyle.


Do you think if Playboy hadn’t known I had proof of my testimony, its legal buzzards wouldn’t have picked my bones to tooth picks years ago?


Before my testimony, I had a signed book contract for my memoir. My partner in the project was fired by the publisher. If I had proceeded with the book, I would have had to pay a large percentage to him for doing nothing.


True, Hef and I had a private reconciliation several years later, after he told me things had changed. At that time, he was married to Playmate of the Year, Kimberly Conrad, and sons, Marston and Cooper, were running through the mansion halls.


As for your last question, this is what I will say. I was an advocate for Playmates when I was Director of Playmate Promotions. I had no tolerance for dirty, little men with big titles abusing working Playmates.

Whether my testimony before the commission helped Playmates, I doubt it. But it has helped this Playmate go on.


The answer to questions you didn’t ask:


Yes, I knew my life was in jeopardy when I testified; in fact, I married my bodyguard.


If I were to move forward with a memoir, I would do so knowing the risks. So what? I’m known for my risky behavior.


Dear Miki:


When making love with my boyfriend, I fantasize about my best friend’s husband, a drop-dead gorgeous dermatologist. Every time we all go to dinner, it’s easy for me to engage him in conversation, excluding my date and his wife. He leans over and is very intense. He’s told me I could come by his office to pick up some samples of a new anti-aging cream.


My best friend has become very clingy lately. She's driving me nuts! Although, I’d miss her friendship, I’ve several other good friends.


So what’s to keep me from going for it?


“Soft Skin”


Dear S. S.:


Let’s face it, you’ve got a tough hide and probably nothing will keep you from going for it. But you should consider that, in your “best friend’s” way, she is begging you to reconsider.


“…And I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you don't know what he means to me, Jolene

“…I’m begging of you, please don't take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

“…Please don't take him, just because you can…”


Dear readers:


Mom received a letter, the other day, from a crematorium hawking the advantage of a no fuss, no muss disposition. Mom wrote on the envelope, “She’s not here!” and put back in the mailbox.


After Dad passed in 1986, she continued to receive mailings for hearing aids, custom-made men suits -- you name it. Mom wrote on each: “Forward to Mr. Garcia’s new residence at the Fair Oaks Cemetery.”


From my cursor to yours,


~Miki~


P. S.  Introducing Miguel Café, an architect by day and cartoonist by night! My father would have loved his vision and humor.

DRUNK DIALER HAS HANG-UPS

My dear friends:

For the past year I have been caring for my 86-year-old mother, and it has been a life changer for me. But with your continual encouragement to get back to writing my column, I am now back!!!

Thanks for your prayers and good wishes! I love you all. Mom is doing well and sends her love.

From my cursor to yours,

~ Miki Garcia ~

 

DRUNK DIALER HAS HANG-UPS

Dear Miki:

I became separated in January, not my choice. I am usually rational, and I know that the "books" all say "take it easy". Well I did not date until April, and then I have had more than a dozen casual dates: lunch, dinner, movies. Some were repeats.

One week night about 9:15, as I was cleaning up to settle down for the night, I received a text from a woman I had known as an acquaintance for ten years. She was drowning her sorrows, and I asked if she wanted company. I drove to the tavern where she was, and we hit it off unbelievably. As we were leaving in the parking lot, I leaned in and she pulled my head down we kissed nicely.

A week later we met for a dinner at my apartment. She brought a few things that I needed for a better kitchen. Things happened.

Then I asked her to come over on that Monday, July 4th. She came and we had a great day and night. She then came over the next Friday night. We were making out heavily and talking and all of a sudden, she jumped up, grabbed her purse and left. I texted her and tried to get her to meet me and talk and she texted back on Sat and Sun (both from work) and said she could not see me anymore.

I asked to meet her in person once each day. Finally on Thursday, she texted that she wanted to concentrate on her work (She works 7 days a week paying off debts from a failed marriage.) and not see me for two months. Then she will see me in the middle of September if I’m still interested.

She said every time I text she tears up. She never would meet me face to face.
I thought we had something very special but I did not tell her I loved her, because it all happened so quickly.

What is going on?

I am thinking about waiting and dating casually in the meantime.

Puzzled

Dear Puzzled:

Receiving a teary-weary, drunk dial from a ten-year-acquaintance, sitting in a tavern “drowning her sorrows,” means you were at best -- second choice.

I notice you haven’t picked her up at her place or been seen in public like your dates with other women. Either she wanted to be free to dump you at will, or she’s got a hairy guy sleeping next to her.

She tells you she works “7 days a week paying off debts from a failed marriage.” If true, how did you not see the blood in her eyes? She’s simply not going to waste valuable time on a come-get-dinner-and-me, separated-from-wife guy.

You’re still hurting from the breakup of your marriage. At this point of the healing process, it’s possible to be enthralled and infatuated with someone you have great sex, but don’t mistake this for love. 

I like that you’re getting out and open to romantic possibilities. Bypass texting and use phone calls to communicate with the next woman you wish to date. Pick her up at her residence and take her to lunch or dinner at a restaurant. 

One last thing, when your old acquaintance said she’d see you in September, she meant in your dreams.


 

 

COLUMN 002

Posted 5.30.10

Dear Readers:

What would you say to a sneak-away weekend with an old flame you recently reconnected with on FaceBook?

Which is more important to a woman, a man with looks or a man with money?

Leave me a comment.

From my cursor to yours,

~ Miki

SNEAK-AWAY WEEKEND CINCHES DEAL

Dear Miki:

Call me crazy, I’ve never stopped loving my high school sweetheart. When I received a “friendship request” from “Michelle” on Facebook, I was on Cloud 9! Under “Relationship Status” on her page, it says “married” and interested in “men” for “friends and networking”. She’s a successful Realtor so it’s understandable she just wants to bypass the catty, jealous gals and network with seriously working guys in real estate.

Her photo is so hot it almost scorched my monitor! Don’t get me wrong, it’s tasteful but after 20 years, she’s transformed into a gorgeous woman – no longer the perky cheerleader this lucky jock escorted to the senior prom.

I’ve always regretted going out of state to college and losing her to the guy voted “Most Likely to Succeed.” If I had stayed, I’m sure she would be my wife today. Since then, I’ve done very well for myself (despite the present market) and own several commercial and residential properties and although I came close to marrying once, I remain a bachelor who won’t settle for second best. This also means I will give my very best to the right woman. 

Yesterday, I got an email from Michelle asking me to call her. We talked for one hour last night. Her marriage is on the rocks, and she confided still having feelings for me. I’m now on Cloud 10! We’ve agreed to meet for dinner at a hotel where she’ll be staying while attending a two-day real estate seminar in Las Vegas. I figure if all goes well; I’ll gladly pay the extra money to change my return flight to spend more time with her.

Making love to Michelle is on my mind all the time. Do you think I should take it slowly and wait for her to make the first move? I don’t want to offend her.

One more thing, I’m bald. Should I just joke about it in the beginning?

~ Crazy

Dear Crazy:

No offense will be taken. She’s already made the first, second and third moves on you – not to worry, more are to come. A sneak-away weekend with spa robes, slippers, champagne and Eggs Benedict in bed the morning after should close the deal. 

I’m curious, how do you know she’s a financially successful Realtor -- from her Facebook page? As a savvy investor, do you really think a real estate professional would be interested in networking only with those of the opposite sex? I would say it’s more like throwing a net out to catch a big sucker.

Hot to trot Realtor leaves no grass growing under her feet.

(Cartoon by Mike Brown)

Let’s face it. Facebook is about how to find somebody - - location, location, location, and it’s a powerful “MLS” where many members indulge in profile puffery. Wipe the nostalgia out of your eyes! If you had married Michelle, she’d be on the sly transacting with another guy at a 5 - Star. Chances of this dame making a lifetime commitment to you are slimmer than “The Biggest Loser” keeping the weight off.

Because you think women fall in love with hair, you could arrive at dinner nude so your bald head is less noticeable or wear a hat. Whichever you choose, it won’t devalue your curb appeal. It’s all about the lay of your land, and I’ll wager my real estate license, you’re not the first guy with whom she’s held an “open house”.

Which is more important to a woman, a man with looks or a man with money?

~Jeffrey George

Dear J. G.:

Given only these two options, I’ll quote my little friend, “Scar Face” Tony Montana: “In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.”

That means even dying follicles command undying respect. Does third wife Melania find Donald Trump’s comb-over whip-lashing her face during lovemaking sexy? No, but she finds it orgasmic living in Trump Tower! It doesn’t matter that Rosie O’Donnell’s hilarious impression of the titan will live longer than the last strand on his head.

When younger, I was attracted to older, self-made men. My fascination was with their brilliance and power. If a guy could make me laugh, he became extremely sexy. Handsome was never a factor. To me, perfect features belonged on a woman. 

A very wealthy Australian rancher once handed me keys to a house and a Mercedes with a five carat diamond engagement ring in the glove box. All I had to do was say yes. I said no; although, our on-and-off-again romance had spanned well over a decade.

The more than 20-year age difference weighed in on my decision, but I believe it was my fear of giving up the control we continually wrestled over. He used to say he loved me because I was a rebel. Well, two rebels engaging in a secret love affair is thrillingly magnetic, but a lasting marital commitment seemed implausible to me.

Highly aggravated about my decision, he went to my mother hoping she would intercede and said -- quite tellingly, “You know, I could have any woman I want.” And Mom said -- more tellingly, “That’s not true, you can’t have my daughter.” 

Years later when news came of his passing, I wondered if he had ever found someone to replace me in his heart. I’ll never know, but I don’t think so. It wasn’t because I was the most beautiful woman he had ever known or the smartest. But when a man is stingy with love and finally gives it to someone, he’ll ferociously stand on stubborn ground.

I’ve observed down life’s long and winding road that marriage is a business. If given the opportunity, it’s my opinion most women want to cuddle up to financial stability rather than a six pack in bed and in the fridge.

From my cursor to yours,

~ Miki

(Readers please post comments below. If you're an editor and would like to run “Ask Miki Garcia”, click here to email me.)

 

COLUMN 001

PLASTIC SURGEON WEIGHS IN ON GRADUATION GIFT IDEA

Dear Miki:

I wrote you last week concerning my daughter asking my husband and me to gift her breast implants for high school graduation, and why I wanted to give her rhinoplasty instead.

When I read your answer, “Don’t act like a boob, Mom, say no to breast augmentation and don’t project your sculptured nose where it doesn’t belong,” it hit me square in the face.

My beautiful daughter is perfect as she is, and it’s my job to make sure she knows it.

Thank you.

~ Knows Best (formerly “Nose Best”)

Dear K. B.:

I e-mailed that column to world-renowned plastic surgeon Dr. Brian M. Kinney and asked, “What would you say if you’re 18-year old daughter asked for bigger breasts as a graduation gift?” The following is our back-and-forth on the matter.

Dr. Kinney: Thanks for asking this interesting question.

Miki, on rare occasions, it would be OK. My observation as a plastic surgeon is that most women don’t begin to fully develop their identity as an independent adult for several more years of life, graduating from college, being on their own for a few years.

I have done implants on 18-year-old women in the past, but both had mothers who had implants. The FDA currently has an advisory for implants to only be placed in women who are 22 or older.

For reconstruction of birth conditions — two breasts with a great size difference, constricted or “Snoopy” breasts, malpositioned breasts, or an absent breast that can occur in Poland’s syndrome or pectus excavatum (breast bone that is “scooped out”), surgery on a younger women really does make sense.

Me: It is my understanding that the FDA has approved saline-filled breast implants for augmentation in women ages 18 and older and approved silicone gel-filled implants for women ages 22 and older.

The age restrictions are different because the risks are different for the two products.

However if it is a matter of reconstruction, the FDA has no age limitation.

Dr. Kinney: The risk profiles of the two products are different. On rupture, saline is generally much easier to repair. Breakage rates of saline are perhaps 5-10 times higher than silicone, but the consequences are smaller.

One choice is a better implant and result with a rare, but more difficult complication. The other is an implant with a poorer result, a more common failure rate, but a simpler complication to handle.

Me: You say you have done implants on 18-year-old women in the past and both had mothers who’ve had implants.

Do you think the daughters did it because of their mothers’ influence or because of their own reasons?

Dr. Kinney: The young women, who came in with their mothers, seem empowered to me and not inappropriately influenced. However, there is no guarantee that would be the case.

Me: How do you judge a young woman’s EQ (emotional quotient)?

Dr. Kinney: The EQ of a young women grows as she matures, and this requires at least two thorough, extended consultations, sometimes three with a sufficiently long (several week minimum) period of reflection prior to booking surgery.

Me: How about rhinoplasty?

Dr. Kinney: Noses are much less problematic and more commonly done in younger women.

Me: Tell me what plastic surgery is to you.

Dr. Kinney: Plastic surgery is the art and science of restoring to the patient ideal form and function, to enhance them cosmetically or aesthetically, make them beautiful for life or whole again after trauma, anomalies of birth, burns or cancer. When that function is restored, it may lead to improved activities of daily living. When that appearance is surgically rejuvenated, it may lead to an improved self-image and more confidence.

I have often said, “If plastic surgeons only perform reconstructive surgery, they have no art; if they only perform aesthetic surgery, they have no soul.”

It takes an emphasis on form and function to complete the picture. ...

Well “Knows Best,” the esteemed Dr. Kinney might have sidestepped the personal question if it were his daughter, but he did give us his very best professional opinion.

Kiss your beautiful daughter, and you gals go out for a mani and pedi.

(If you're an editor who'd like to run “Ask Miki Garcia”, click here to email me.)

Copyright © 2010 Miki Garcia. All rights reserved